“People always want to share their highs, but never their lows. The real shit they are too scared to admit. Maybe it’s something they don’t want to admit to themselves like it has been for me. I like having my shit together; I don’t want to seem like the one who’s not that confident. But, there is something that has been lingering around me for many years. Anxiety. It's followed me from conference rooms to social gatherings. There was a voice in my head disabling me from freely speaking my mind. I don’t want to sound foolish; I don’t want to be received the wrong way. Even though I knew it was happening, I didn’t want to admit it to myself. How could I? That would make it real. But now, when I feel the most uncomfortable in a situation, I force myself to stay. If I leave, I’ll be settling for fleeing, and this creates a cycle. When I stay, that’s where opportunities are created. The more you stay, the more you get from it. I didn’t always stay. I fled in my own way. It became a problem. I just kept going out and masking the problem by drinking too much. Seeking a social lubricant to escape what I was feeling at that moment. I am not using alcohol as an excuse anymore. It’s very powerful to know your vulnerability, it is one of the most humbling things. I didn’t know if I should share this, but I did. Because you never know when someone in the same room as you feels alone, and needs to be understood. That’s the most powerful thing you can do for another human. I am here. You are not alone."
Shared by: Kelly Montoya
Transcribed by: Julia Michael