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“I know it’s not the same for everyone, but I have known I wanted to be a mom since I was eight years old. I was bottle feeding my baby sister, and I just had this feeling. Like something that was missing wasn’t missing anymore. As I got older, I had back-up plans. If I couldn’t have one, I was going to adopt, and if I could have one but didn’t have my person by 30, I was going to get a sperm donor. I just always knew. And honestly I’m glad, because having a new born is hard. I can’t imagine what it would be like if I didn’t really want this. 

 

I have my baby girl now. She was born about four months ago. I love her more than I could have imagined. What am I going to do when she has her first heartbreak? When she gets to high school, I don’t want her to be the homecoming-queen-cheerleader-girl. I kind of want her to be the nerd girl with little nerd friends. But I think the biggest thing is emotional intelligence. I work with kids and some of them really scare me. They’re eight years old cursing at their mom because they need to get a shot. I want her to be sweet. To care about other people’s feelings and be mature enough to know when to be. I remember I was sweet. A little too sweet. I would let people walk all over me. I don’t want her to be like that. I hope it comes more easily to her- to stand up for herself, to be more assertive.

 

When she sleeps she looks like she’s smiling. They say babies aren’t really smiling. That it’s spontaneous and just a part of their REM sleep. But I know she’s really smiling. I think her little baby self knows she’s exactly where she’s supposed to be.”

 

Shared by: Nikki Hartman

 

Transcribed by: Julia Michael